Codependency, HEALING

Closing a Cycle

Sitting here in the garden, I look to all we have done together.

All the creations, the paintings, the crafts.

10 years of Shiva Garden, almost 7 with us together.

Shiva Garden is a place for Creators.

It’s a place for Free Souls.

It’s the place for the so named “crazy ones”. The ones who dare to be different.

This is the last night.

I leave this place with a nostalgic feeling, some rivers of tears, but in peace.

I leave this relationship which has served his purpose.

Together we built up what today is the Shiva Garden Home Stay, as it is.

Together we had raised these two little Angels who had given us the honor of being their parents.

Within this relationship I came to know about my co-dependency.

And to find out this and being able to heal myself from it it’s a hole and profound Life Changing process.

Here I had the safe space to built up from zero my project, my vision, the

Today, nothing is left. My heart is is empty, bleeding. My eyes are full…of tears.  My head is at peace.

Within 2 days, on the 11th January will make exactly 8 years that our story started, back in 2010 and 6 years that I followed my heart, left everything in Portugal and I arrived here to live with him.

There is a silent mutual inner knowing and agreement that our Soul’s pact is done, accomplished. 

Its time to move forward.

And we are moving, without straights, pushed by a gentle giant Hand. The God’s Hand.

Our bodies separate from each other, but I know, our Soul’s will keep on walking together, hand on hand.

I cry alone, grieving, not only the end of this 6 years relationship, but the end of a 40 years cycle of letting myself being neglected, abused, manipulated, used for the other ones purpose, during childhood, in professional and personal relationships.

I cry alone in the night, writing these words knowing them to be True.

Thank you for awakening me from a 40 years dream. The pain lived in silence in this relationship was so deep that it gave me no chance than Awakening.

More than a spiritual awakening, this is the Real One. raising myself from a 40 years cycle of illusion of something I Was Not meant to be: A people-pleaser.

I undress myself from masks, leaving my body naked, my feet barefoot, to be no longer the “nice one”.

I leave now my body naked, my soul undressed, for the Goddess to dress me with the real ME. That of what I was made from before I born.

Remembering those words that God whispered me a few seconds before I came down to this Planet Earth:

“You Are Here To Create.

You Are Here to tell them that is all wrong.

That this society as we know it, is rotten. Full of hypocrisies, lies and dysfunctional environments for child’s to grow. That the human beings forgot to be Humans long time ago.

It’s time to make a new US, a new Present, a new Earth.

This is the starting point. From where All The Rest Will Unfold.

Walking together in separate roads.

With gratitude,

Dedicated to Jayan and our little Daughters Divya and Nithya.


Written by Sonia Indigo

Photography by Neta Kahila

South India, Varkala, 9 January 2018, 4h30 am.


2 thoughts on “Closing a Cycle”

  1. Dear Sonia,
    Now I know what you are in and indeed it is a grieving moment and (as you already mentioned yourself) an awakening gift all at the same time.
    Please please yourself with all the Love you have in you
    Big hug ❤ Saskia
    PS.If you are ever in the Netherlands, you are always welcome at our place


  2. Um profundo Abraço querida Alma que habita, cria e expande através da Sónia humana nesta vida.

    Tudo está tranquilo no nosso Ser, mesmo que sintamos os efeitos dos picos de dor (que passam) da experiência humana.

    Never forget, We Are One ❤


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s